52 entries categorized "thoughts"

On Being True

I just about killed my other blog.  

Freely Homeschool caps font better

I hit a corner.  Not a roadblock, but a corner.  A three-sided corner...which isn't really a corner, I suppose, but bear with me - that's not the point. 

On one side, I was blocked with our eldest leaving the nest because that brought up all 10,000  abandonment/attachment/somesortofoddity issues that I have, and I was falling apart inside.  

On another side,  there was that gunk that came up a few times over the past year and to which I finally said, ENOUGH! in a very assertive, non-missionary-kid-like way. 

And on one side, there was that I can't please everyone, so I stopped trying to please anyone. Which didn't please everyone.  Not even me.

And so.  I left the blog alone for most of a year, visiting only to copy/paste an old post when the guilt was too much. 

This month, after a Summer of healing, and after the college kid left home and I actually survived (!), I woke up one day and decided that since it was going to die anyway, I had nothing to lose in making the other blog mine. 

I'm redesigning it how would like it to look, without a concern over what the experts say it should look like.  I'm writing it how want to write it, without concern if I'm offending the very conservative or the very secular, both of whom like to tell me that something I highlight isn't what they'd like to see, and then they threaten to unsubscribe.  

I used to go, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I want to do it just right for you." 

And now I'll go, "So," but not in a you-don't-matter way, but in an I-will-be-a-loyal-bestfriend-to-me way.

Want to know what's funny? Not ha-ha funny, but odd-funny...

By making the other blog mine, it's becoming fun to blog there again.  I'm excited about things again.  I'm mostly happy that I can help people walk through the trails I've cleared of tangled brush (also known as "you learning from my mistakes"). 

And even crazier, my ad revenue is up and my numbers are up and I'm all whaaaaat?! Isn't that cool? Through all of this, I remembered something: 

When we're authentic, we're unique...and when we're unique, we're magnetic. 

p.s. I'm closing comments on this blog for a time. It's not you - it's me.  I need to have no editors in my head for a while, so I can get back to finding myself again. Sometimes, we must have silence in order to hear our own voice.


I'm tired I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

Today, I hit empty. It's emotionally, mentally, and spiritually exhausting going all stern mama on a big mission corporation that just doesn't get it.



A friend randomly texts, "How are you?" I take a half hour to reply.

"I just want my happy little quiet peaceful life back."

Silence. I have no other words.

I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.  I'm so tired of crying.

Tears. Dang it.

I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn
So heaven come and flood my eyes

Then...nothing.  This is worse than the tears.  I am just...empty.

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm to weak
Life just won't let up

I get a message..a little dorm sis CCs me on a fiesty email she wrote the mission committee...it makes me smile. She even said, "bit in the ass." I picture the mission's prim and proper conservative bigshots having to read that.  Heh.

I think, Yes, this. I need this.  I need less whispering safely behind bushes, "go, lori, go," and more who come with swords and arrows.

I feel a spark of renewed courage.

Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise from ashes of a broken life

Then the day unfolds and the puppy entertains with an empty toilet paper roll,  three of our 4 paint on canvas at the kitchen table,  one asks  if I will play a card game with him, and the hubs comes home for burgers, fries, and 3 episodes of our currently favorite show.

Life is normal, happy, quiet, and peaceful.  Here, there is a family, not a corporation.  Here, there is safety, not abuse.  Here, there is understanding.  Here there is courage.

"Trouble surrounds me. Chaos abounding. But my soul will rest in you. I will not fear the war. I will not fear the storm. My help is on the way. I will not fear. His promise is true. My God will come through.  Always."

We believe it?


our 4 


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Worn by Tenth Avenue North

Always by Kristian Stanfill 

I Choose the Starfish

Today has been a bit of a downer in that I somehow (almost) effectively toppled a very bad man from his self-made throne of deception and abuse, yet …. the fireworks and cheers were replaced with sighs and questions.

I don't want a parade.

But I also don't want a guilt trip.

Everywhere I went, on social media or in email, people sent messages about the man's family. “Oh, I am so sad for his wife” “I'm worried about his kids.” “I hear his daughter has received 'hate' mail.” “I wonder if the stress will flare up her illness.” "She is taking this so hard." All.day.long.


It's hard for a people-pleaser to be a person-toppler. I didn't want to topple that man.  I mean, I would have preferred him be a super awesome dorm dad who takes care of the kids entrusted to him.  I would have hoped to go on with my peaceful life creatively homeschooling our four kids on a Gulf Coast riverbank. I  would have liked to focus on college scholarships or on my kind-of-neglected-lately other blog.  

Besides, I don't hate him. I don't know why I don't, actually.  I've wondered if I'm broken in some psycho-therapy way, or if I'm stifling rage, or...maybe it's just not easy for me to dislike someone.   

Of course, I don't want him near children ever again ever, and he had better not come near mine or mama will go redneck crazy,  but I don't really want him to be tortured or anything, and I really do care about his beautiful family; in fact, they're entirely the reason I stayed silent for over two decades.  I am sorry they're hurting and I'm sorry I've been unfriended on Facebook and I'm sorry someone might have health problems from the stress, but ...

I choose the starfish. 

We all need rescuing sometimes. #washedashore #tossedback

I can't let your words get into my head. I have to help the starfish.  They're on the beach by the dozens...hundreds.  Sure, they're broken, and well, yeah, there isn't a lot of hope. They're a mess! One is drunk all the time; one writes God like ...god (he used to be a missionary). One works to forget. One seeks a new religion. One cusses at the kids. One keeps getting divorced.  One can't make friends. One is so bitter he can't see anything good. One has nightmares...nightly.  We all have broken pieces.

We'll never be whole again.

I know, you don't have to tell me, I can't save them all. I don't even know if I can save my own starfish.  But what does it hurt me to try? It takes only a little bit of energy to pick up each starfish, tossing it into the sea.  Sure, most will probably wash ashore again - they're not ready to swim yet - but isn't it worth a try, even if only one starfish can be saved? 

I can't make much difference.

But I can make a difference.

And to that one, I made all the difference.

You go ahead and worry about the seagulls, if you want to. I think they're going to be just fine. I'll be taking care of the starfish.


 Photos by Lori Seaborg, April 2, 2014, Orange Beach, Alabama

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There's Room for Two

There's room for two. Wanna?

I bet you'll see a lot more of me now.  After months of not being able to get my photos on the blog without taking several long steps to do so, I finally sent a note to Support.  And guess what?  It took only two minutes to ask them for help in order to figure out the problem.

Yet I had procrastinated on asking them for...months.  

There are quite a few unpleasant tasks I have been procrastinating on lately.  

I've been putting out the fires - the things that pop up in a day and scream "Me, NOW!" like, being in time for ballet lessons, or picking up our teen from his job, or buying groceries.

But the things that ground me, that make me me - like swinging on our backyard swing - have been put aside, along with unpleasant tasks that aren't screaming loudly enough (such as contacting my blog's support for help).  

For a couple hours this morning, I worked on creating a little manifesto for my life.  I'm not done; I'll share it with you when I am.  

I'm ready to swing again. There's room for two. Wanna join me? 

360° to Just Pure Lovely


image from www.flickr.com

I have been overthinking again.


For a full year.

A year ago, in one of those delightful afternoon napping-but-not-really states, when the mind is free to wander while the body rests, a concept came to mind:  360° to Just Pure Lovely, or, The 360° Project....360 Just Pure Lovely moments - or decisions - until degree by degree (° by °), I (and maybe you, too?) turn toward Just Pure Lovely thoughts.   At the end of the project, thoughts will be naturally more just, pure, lovely, than not.  Hopefully.

In that dreamy state,  thoughts are a bit random and fragmented, so I have spent literally all year procrastinating trying to piece together the fragments.  

Today, I listened to someone speak about how we just Need to Do That Thing....The thing we know we're supposed to do.  And I know - I've known for a year -  that I'm supposed to do this whatever-I'll-call-it....360° Thing.

Typical me, I have been overthinking the 360° Project until I nearly killed it with questions.  So, tonight, rather than wait until it is thought out all perfectly, I present these muddy, confusing thoughts as the introduction to my project:  360° to Just Pure Lovely

As time goes on, ° by °, I hope I will know what it is, and why I'm supposed to be doing it.  Meanwhile, I'm not procrastinating anymore!  Degree by degree, I'll begin posting about my 360° project. 

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*Philippians 4:8

p.s. I just learned how to make the degree symbol, so I cannot resist using it a bunch -- How? Hit alt+0176 and it appears!

A Baby Worth It (and a Chance to Help a Million Moms)

Get a group of moms together and, sooner or later, birth stories will come up.  The stories are as unique as the mothers, so when I get a chance to talk to a scared first-time pregnant mom, I say,  Your birth story will be your story.  It's going to be hard, but it's going to be beautiful.  And the baby will be worth it.

image from www.flickr.com

I have four birth stories, but I don't usually tell one of them because it can still make me weepy. Today, I told my hardest story at the ABC News/ UN Foundation Million Moms Challenge. 

My story has a happy ending...



...but across the globe, there are mothers and babies who do not have happy endings simply because they don't live in developed countries. Please go to my post to leave a comment and sign up for the Million Moms challenge.

Nothing is required of you but to simply sign in with your email address and zip code.  Johnson & Johnson will donate $1 for every sign in.  And by replying on my post, you'll be entered to win an iPad2 and a $50 donation in your name! I'd appreciate your support in this, and so would the sweet mommies across the globe who need our help (and your encouraging stories!).


p.s. Comments here are closed because we need you to go to that post to comment.  It will help us (moms) reach a million moms across the globe who need our help. Thanks for helping! 

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A Crooked Self-Portrait

It's easy to think I have it all together, since you only see what I blog. But I don't.  Have it all together, I mean.  I don't.  

There are quite a few things I'm trying to change in my life right now:  being a bit too relaxed with our schedule, not exercising, perfectionism in certain areas (certainly not all areas, or I'd be perfect!), control freaking in certain many areas, making snippy comments to my husband when I'm grumpy, a dislike of being in front of the camera.  

So, here you go, I took a crooked self-portrait with my glasses on in a messy spot in my little craft room.....

image from www.flickr.com

See there?  I'm just a normal girl with a whole lot of fixing to do.    I perceive you as perfect, too, but if you're not....

What are you working on in your life right now? 

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On Feeling Thankful for You

I am a coward. 

I didn't read your comments for two full days because I felt so vulnerable and had such an "Oh my, what did I do?" feeling the morning after writing that post

image from www.flickr.com

I waited two full days until my curiosity grew stronger than my insecurity.   Finally, tonight, I opened the website without really letting myself think I was doing so, squinted, peeked, and ..... of course, you said the loveliest things, made me all teary, and touched me deeply.  Of course.  I didn't need to worry at all. 

Thank you from the bottom of my lil heart.  I appreciate you so very. very much. 

If I can do anything for you, you'll let me know, right?

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photo taken by me, in June, at our local Bay

On Scaling that Cliff

image from www.flickr.com

I want you to know that even though things seem so perfect through the window, they are not always so.  We have normal household problems like an expressive teen, forgotten clothes in the washer, and never-ever ending cups to clean.  But we also occasionally have big problems, too.  Just like you.  As you well know, there are valleys in life and mountaintops.

For the past year-and-a-half we traveled through a valley of the deepest kind, one so dark and of such depth that for a long time, we could not see the way out.  I became obsessive about trying to make things right again, frantically trying to fix the broken, until finally Tim said with a catch in his voice, "Lori. It will never be right.  It can never be right.  You have to accept that."

In our valley, thinking on the Just, Pure, Lovely was more than I could do.  It was enough to simply breathe...Breathe, hug my babies, and distract myself with busyness.  My thoughts were scattered.  I talked to mean people in my mind, I tried to rationalize, I questioned,  I asked God his opinion, I became angry.  I knew to change my thoughts to the just, pure, lovely, and many times that did work for a few minutes, but the good thoughts flit away so quickly I could not capture them.

I avoided my camera, I stopped creating things, I didn't read to the kids.  I stopped logging into this blog.  I knew those things would help me, but I. Couldn't. 

This valley did not have a gradual incline at the end, like many do.  There was no tunnel to walk through.  We had to scale the cliffs to get out, bruising our shins and breaking skin in the process.  A light fog followed us as we left - our days will never be as bright as they once were, and we will never be as carefree as we once were - but we did - yes, we did - find the strength to climb out of that valley. 

As with all bad experiences, good came from it:  We are wiser.  We realize our strength. We are more protective.  We know that God is here.  For real.  We have a perspective of what is a true tragedy, and what is not.

We are more "we."

What's next?  Next is exciting.  Next is freedom.  Next is knowing we can survive something horrific and ...survive! Next is believing that even though there is bad in this world beyond comprehension, there is also good if only we seek it.  Next is security that comes from faith in our God who never causes bad things to happen, but who can create a pearl from a teardrop.

Next is seeking the Just, the Pure, and the Lovely.

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On How to Get What You Want

image from www.flickr.com
I found the following  in my idea notebook a few months ago, and I've been mulling it over ever since...

Give what you want. 

A smile? Give a smile.

Friendship? Be friendly.

Want money? Give money.

Sales?  Help someone sell something.

Contacts?  Help someone else get contacts.

Teach and you'll learn. The more you teach those who want to learn, the more you'll learn.


I don't know where I found that exactly, or if I made it up at some point, but it's been on my mind. And tonight I'm wondering what you think about that.


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