I'm tired I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
Today, I hit empty. It's emotionally, mentally, and spiritually exhausting going all stern mama on a big mission corporation that just doesn't get it.
A friend randomly texts, "How are you?" I take a half hour to reply.
"I just want my happy little quiet peaceful life back."
Silence. I have no other words.
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. I'm so tired of crying.
Tears. Dang it.
I've lost my will to fight
So heaven come and flood my eyes
Then...nothing. This is worse than the tears. I am just...empty.
I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm to weak
Life just won't let up
I get a message..a little dorm sis CCs me on a fiesty email she wrote the mission committee...it makes me smile. She even said, "bit in the ass." I picture the mission's prim and proper conservative bigshots having to read that. Heh.
I think, Yes, this. I need this. I need less whispering safely behind bushes, "go, lori, go," and more who come with swords and arrows.
I feel a spark of renewed courage.
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise from ashes of a broken life
Then the day unfolds and the puppy entertains with an empty toilet paper roll, three of our 4 paint on canvas at the kitchen table, one asks if I will play a card game with him, and the hubs comes home for burgers, fries, and 3 episodes of our currently favorite show.
Life is normal, happy, quiet, and peaceful. Here, there is a family, not a corporation. Here, there is safety, not abuse. Here, there is understanding. Here there is courage.
"Trouble surrounds me. Chaos abounding. But my soul will rest in you. I will not fear the war. I will not fear the storm. My help is on the way. I will not fear. His promise is true. My God will come through. Always."
We believe it?
Worn by Tenth Avenue North
Always by Kristian Stanfill